


To Love Is To Destroy

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Valentine Morgenstern, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Coming Out, Dark, Deception, Discrimination Against Downworlders, Dom Jace Wayland, Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Morality, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Love Confessions, M/M, Manipulation, Marriage Proposal, Mental Health Issues, Oral Sex, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Power Imbalance, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Revenge, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Gestures, Sub Alec Lightwood, Telepathic Bond, Top Jace Wayland, Virgin Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:07:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28399692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Jace had often wondered what his father meant by to love is to destroy. When Valentine sends him to the New York Institute as a spy to learn where the Mortal Instruments are Jace meets Alec. At first Jace only sees someone he can easily manipulate but soon Jace realizes Alec can become everything he has ever wanted and needed.With his pure Angel blood Jace discovers he can gain amazing powers through a parabatai bond that would also bind Alec to him forever. Getting to know Alec, Jace realizes what love and destruction is all about and that he doesn’t need Valentine and never did – nor does he need the Clave or anything or anyone else but Alec.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 50
Kudos: 372





	1. Meeting Alec

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [His Father's Son](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27543469) by [Polarnacht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace meet Alec for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers as always: Cindy and Monochromatize.  
> Thanks so much to Regina Danica for the great story banner.  
> Chapter warnings: Mention of discrimination against Downworlders, child abuse, punishments and some very fucked up ideas on power and weakness from Valentine's side.

_Please read the chapter notes for detailed warnings_

# Chapter 1: Meeting Alec

Jace had always known he was different from other children. That he was destined for greatness. That he was better, stronger, and faster. His father, Valentine, told him that often enough. He made huge demands on him and drove him hard, but Jace rarely failed and when he did, he only ever failed once.

At 10 years old Jace understood his purpose and his mission. Valentine had told him all about the danger the demon-blooded presented and how he needed to get the Mortal Instruments to save the Nephilim race. And Jace could help with that. Valentine had told him to use a cover story of being Wayland’s son who had long been thought dead. Using the name Jace Wayland he would seek out the Lightwoods at the New York Institute and explain his father had passed away and asking to stay with them. Maryse had been Valentine’s second in command and when Valentine had gained more ground, more followers, he would reveal himself to her, certain she would once again come to his side and support his rule when she saw he stood to win. Valentine had never doubted that Maryse had only ever left the Circle when she had seen they had been losing the first Uprising. When she saw the tide was again in Valentine’s favor, she would come back. When it came to cruelness, cunning, and determination, Valentine had only ever felt one person lived up to his expectations and could be his second in command; Maryse Lightwood. It had been true then and it was true now. With his son and heir as his secret weapon Valentine was convinced that playing the long game would result in victory for him and his vision for the Shadow World.

Jace had studied all the material Valentine had given him on the Lightwoods, trying to find the weak link. The person who he could easiest manipulate and get to help him in his mission for Valentine. It didn’t take long for Jace to find his target; Alexander Lightwood, the 12-year-old oldest child. He was an archer and known for his shy and withdrawn demeanor, often stuttering if he got nervous or flustered.

Valentine had given him a Seelie ring to keep in contact with him and had warned Jace this would likely be a long mission; deep cover for years. Jace had readily agreed, eager to prove himself to his father.

The Lightwoods had quickly and easily accepted Jace’s story of being Wayland’s son, without any proof except his say so. This fact, this trust, had made Jace mentally shake his head. This mission was going to be a walk in the park.

Jace had met Alec in the training room at the New York Institute, hitting the target close to the middle but missing the center. The boy looked frustrated and upset as he got ready to try again. Time to make an entrance. Jace took out a dagger from his weapons belt and threw it at the target. Alec looked awed at him as he saw Jace had hit the bullseye right away, even with Jace barely taking aim.

“Wow. That was amazing!” Alec told him when he came over to him, his awe clear in his voice and eyes, his face showing his feelings clearly, making him easy to read for Jace.

Alec’s reaction further confirmed to Jace he had selected his target well. They had just met, and Alec already seemed more open with his feelings than Jace had been as a young child. This would be no challenge at all.

Jace smirked as he said, “You just have to have confidence.”

Alec looked uncomfortable and fiddled a bit, avoiding Jace’s eyes as he just replied with, “Hmm.”

Jace smiled inwardly; this was getting better and better. This boy was everything Valentine had warned Jace was signs of weakness; he was openly uncomfortable, unsure, hesitant…sensitive. Jace knew precisely how to handle that. Valentine had told Jace loud and clear just what to do with weakness; exploit it!

“Think you’re the best and you will be,” Jace told him with a wink.

“Well, you surely are,” Alec told him with clear admiration in his eyes.

Jace felt oddly warmed by Alec’s admiration and decided to build on it, giving Alec a charming smile to further draw him in.

During that first night Jace had a nightmare, reliving one of his father’s painful teaching moments from when he had been younger. Jace hated having nightmares; they were a sign of weakness. When Alec had entered his bedroom, waking him up, Jace had been furious with himself, fearing he had lost the higher ground with Alec due to this. He had been tense, cold, and dismissive towards Alec, just wanting him gone. However, Alec hadn’t mentioned seeing Jace’s weakness, his night terrors. Instead, he had just sat by his bedside, asking if he could read to him. Dumbstruck and a bit suspicious, Jace had agreed.

Alec did just that and Jace’s embarrassment at his moment of weakness turned to a victorious smile. It was clear to Jace that Alec had an instinct to care, to protect those he felt needed it. Valentine had told Jace clear as day how such behavior was another weakness as only the strong should rule; the weak needed to be guided and shepherded. Jace nodded satisfied to himself. Alec was indeed the perfect target and Jace was starting to learn just how to exploit him. He looked forward to communicating this to Valentine the next day; he would be proud of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you are enjoying the story. It would mean a lot to me 💛💛


	2. Do Something For Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace tests Alec's loyalty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my great beta readers as always.  
> Chapter warnings: Referenced self-harm and child abuse/punishment.

_Please read chapter notes for detailed warnings_

# Chapter 2: Do Something For Me

After a year with the Lightwoods Jace had found out not just what worked on Alec but what worked on the whole family. He had quickly become the golden boy in all of Idris, admired for his superior skills and easy charm. When he had first arrived Jace had thought, expected, the same harsh training as with Valentine. However, what the Lightwoods or anyone else for that matter, demanded of him was laughably easy. For him that was. Alec struggled and it seemed his parents enjoyed comparing them, using Jace’s victories against Alec. He was younger than Alec after all so expecting Alec to match him or more likely do better than him was just what Jace had been raised to expect. However, Valentine had readily told Jace he had pure Angel blood that boosted his skills so no normal Shadowhunter of any age could match him. Jace had quickly discovered that being compared to Alec only helped his relationship with him, strange as that sounded to him.

Jace had worked focused and dedicated these past months on making Alec perfectly loyal to him. He had observed the older boy closely and gotten to know just what worked on him; what he needed. Maryse tried to toughen Alec up and was constantly belittling him, putting him down, telling him he wasn’t good enough or punishing him for not living up to her expectations. However, all that happened was that Alec got more and more withdrawn, more nervous, and more isolated. All of which only helped Jace's case, making him Alec's only friend.

It hadn’t taken many hand-to-hand sparring sessions with Alec for Jace to notice the injuries Alec put there himself by overtraining or purposely not healing injuries. It was something Alec seemed to do whenever he had been told he had failed or not done well enough. Sometimes he even did it when no one had noticed or pointed out he had failed but Alec felt he had. Alec's desire to please and do well again only helped Jace in his mission. 

The more Jace got to know Alec the more he felt like Alec had taken all Valentine’s teachings and turned them on their head. Alec was sensitive, thoughtful, reflective, and turned his rage inwards. Knowing this Jace knew just the push and pull he needed to do in order to make Alec do whatever he wanted. However, before he started asking about the Mortal Instruments for his father, he needed to be sure Alec was truly loyal to him.

Jace had never had any friends growing up and the only person he had given any affection to, a falcon, had ended up dead by Valentine’s hands. Love was to destroy. Jace knew that lesson well. However, he couldn’t help but like the attention and adoration Alec was giving him. That was ok, Jace decided. He knew his mission and he had control; if he had control then he couldn’t be destroyed even if he enjoyed his time with Alec, right?

Jace had decided tonight he would test Alec and if he passed Jace would know he could move to phase two of his plan, and start having Alec relay secret intel or cover for him in other ways so he could get closer to getting the Mortal Instruments.

After they had been sparring together and the training room was empty save for them Jace saw it as his moment to strike.

“Alec, can you do something for me?” Jace asked with an innocent smile when they got ready to leave the room after their training.

“Sure,” Alec readily replied, picking his gear up from the floor as he spoke.

“I am meeting someone later tonight; it’s really important to me. Can you cover for me with your parents and find a way to get me out of that training session with Hodge if I run late?” Jace asked, adding a pleading and desperate edge to his tone.

Jace knew well what he was asking; not only did the Lightwoods have important Clave representatives visiting but the session with Hodge was the Lightwoods wanting to brag with Jace’s skills towards said representatives. Jace had often wondered if Alec wasn’t jealous of the love and attention his parents so readily gave him, if he wasn’t angry with him for having become his parents' favorite. But Jace had seen that Alec was genuinely happy for him. Instead of blaming Jace or hating him for so easily getting what Alec had always wanted, Alec would hate himself for not being good enough. Again, so different from how he was raised but Jace just found it worked to his advantage.

Alec bit his lower lip nervously when he heard Jace’s request, looking uncertain. He surely knew, as Jace did, that it would not go unnoticed nor unpunished if he wasn’t there. Jace didn’t like the idea of Alec suffering but it was a necessary part of the test. Jace had learned that lesson well from his father; improvement and loyalty was best found through pain. Jace knew that Alec was no stranger to pain or punishment so he was certain Alec could endure just fine. The question was if he would carry such pain for Jace.

To sway Alec Jace gave him _that_ look that Jace had quickly learned Alec found impossible to resist. As Jace expected Alec wavered and blushed, looking down.

“Fine but come back as quickly as you can and come see me when you’re back so I know you’re ok,” Alec said when he looked at Jace again, trying for a stern look but Jace had so far found that Alec never could follow through whenever he wanted to be strict with him.

Jace couldn’t help but like the concern in Alec’s voice, telling himself it was ok to enjoy that as it just indicated how loyal Alec was to him and that was the mission after all. No one before Alec had been concerned for him just because they cared. Valentine had been concerned only with how quickly he could return to fighting; another reason that while Valentine’s lessons had been painful, they had always been quick as he wanted him back to practicing, back to fighting, as soon as possible.

“Thanks so much, Alec. You’re the best!” Jace said joyfully, hugging him warmly, knowing the touch would distract Alec from the fact Jace hadn’t actually agreed to anything.

That Jace enjoyed the hug as well was ok; it was alright to like a mission, right?

Jace stayed out till the middle of the night before he snuck back in, knowing to test Alec’s commitment to him he had to ensure there was no way a punishment could have been avoided. Either Alec would have had to sell him out to save himself…or cover for him.

Jace opened the door to Alec’s bedroom as soon as he was back, stepping inside. Despite his confidence regarding Alec’s loyalty a part of him was still nervous. After all, it would make sense for Alec to sell Jace out to avoid being punished. 

Alec sat up in bed with a start when he heard Jace enter, wincing as he did so, making Jace frown. Was Alec in pain?

“Hi Alec,” Jace said softly as he sat on Alec’s bedside, giving him a searching look to try and guess if Alec had covered for him or not.

“Jace!” Alec said relieved. He hugged him as soon as he sat down.

“I was worried,” Alec admitted when he drew back.

“I’m fine,” Jace assured him, giving him a calming smile.

Jace was feeling an odd warmth spread through his body at the hug and Alec’s words of concern. He had never felt that kind of warmth before. He wondered what it was.

Jace looked at Alec more closely. Even though the only light in the room came from the two windows and the moonlit skies outside the lines of pain on Alec’s face were clear.

“What happened?” Jace asked worried.

He had hoped the test would show Alec was loyal and he would take the punishment for him, but he had obviously expected Alec to use iratzes afterwards like Valentine had always insisted on when he had lived with him.

“Nothing,” Alec lied, looking away in embarrassment.

Jace had always known when Alec lied to him; the raven-haired boy was a very poor liar. Alec wasn't good at hiding his feelings in general; not where Jace was concerned at least.

When Alec looked at Jace again he looked puzzled as he asked confused, “Why did you stay out so late?”

“They discovered it?” Jace assumed, knowing they would but adding a false sense of shock and surprise.

However, Jace’s sadness at Alec’s pain was real.

Alec noticed Jace’s distress, as he always seemed to do even though Jace never voiced it, and quickly put a hand over his on the bed as he assured him, “Yes, but it doesn’t matter.”

“Will they punish me?” Jace asked, preparing himself for the worst.

He could take any punishment, but he really wanted Alec’s loyalty and not just for Valentine. He found he wanted it for himself.

Alec shook his head as he said in a soft and reassuring tone, “No, no. Of course not, Jace.”

Jace released the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Alec was loyal to him. Jace had expected the feeling of victory that knowledge gave him, but he was unprepared for the wamrth and joy he felt at hearing it. He had to remind himself this was a mission. He had to focus on the big picture. This was only the first step.

Jace again noticed that Alec was grimacing in pain whenever he moved. He couldn't see any injuries on him so Jace assured it was his back that was hurting him.

“Are you in pain?” Jace asked directly, frowning. Why would the Lightwoods not let Alec use iratzes like Valentine had done with him? Didn’t they want Alec back in prime fighting condition as soon as possible?

Alec bit his lower lip, avoiding Jace’s eyes.

After a moment of reflection Alec replied quietly, honestly, “Mother sometimes wants me to remember the lessons I am given so I won’t make the same mistakes twice. It will be fine.”

“Alec!” Jace protested hotly, feeling his rage grow and his control slip in a way it hadn’t in years. He wanting nothing more than to kill Maryse with his bare hands!

“No, no. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” Alec quickly said in a calming tone. Alec was about to shrug but winced in pain and abandoned the movement. Instead, he gave Jace a reassuring smile as he added matter of fact, “It happens sometimes. It’s normal.”

Jace frowned in concern at hearing that, still angry at Maryse. He knew punishments were normal in Idris but Maryse seemed to add a special twist to hers when she punished her oldest. As far as Jace knew Izzy and Max had it far easier; Izzy was protected by her father’s love and Max was Maryse’s favorite.

Jace was annoyed to discover it was protectiveness and worry he was feeling for Alec, knowing from his father how dangerous such feelings were. He had felt that for his falcon, and he remembered well how that had ended. He had to stop this nonsense now. However, looking at Alec, seeing the care in his eyes, seeing how, even now, Alec's only concern was for him and not for himself....Jace found he didn't want to stop. But caring was dangerous. Could there be a way to care for Alec which would not lead to ruin? He had never thought of it before, accepting that caring, the first step towards love, was out of the question for him. However, now Jace couldn’t help but wonder if there was a kind of love in which destruction could be avoided. 

Jace knew what Valentine wanted him to do now; Alec was loyal and Jace could go to phase two of the plan and start exploiting him for intel to feed Valentine. However, the real question was what was Jace going to do about it. Before he had met Alec, he had never even hesitated; what Valentine wanted was what he did without hesitation or reflection. For the first time ever Jace found himself starting to consider what he might want and whether that was actually the same as what Valentine wanted….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you are enjoying the story. It would mean a lot to me 💛💛


	3. Parabatai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace finds a way to safely care for Alec; by making him his parabatai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers as always.  
> Chapter warnings: Talk of power, manipulation and deception.

_Please read chapter notes for warnings_

# Chapter 3: Parabatai

Jace had started to realize Alec’s loyalty might be more than loyalty; it was real care for him. Real care. Jace had never known that before. It had therefore taken time to see it when it had happened. However, over time Jace had seen the signs. Whatever Jace wanted or needed Alec helped with and he remembered what Jace liked or didn't like. He wanted Jace to shine and happily stayed in the background, the moon to Jace's sun, the silver to his gold. Jace still fond that odd, Alec's shyness and genuine happiness whenever Jace outperformed him but he had started to realize Alec's care was true and real.

Alec remained everything Jace wasn't; pure, innocent, eager to please, fast to help those in need, sensitive and showing his care for him and his siblings openly. As time passed Jace started to doubt his father's teachings that what Alec represented was weakness. Jace saw an unusual power in Alec; whenever Maryse would belittle him or punish him his pain was clear, but he always managed to get back to his feet. He was everything Valentine thought was frail and yet Alec kept fighting. No matter what was done to him, what impossible tasks were given him...Alec kept fighting. This left Jace confused; this strength and power in what he had been told was weakness. His conflicting emotions towards Alec made Jace delay getting the information on the Mortal Instruments to Valentine or any information concerning the whereabouts of Valentine's former parabatai and wife whom Valentine also thought might know something. Jace fed Valentine other information about the Clave and the Downworld to keep him happy but Jace ensured the information he gave was never truly enough, meaning Valentine would need to keep Jace undercover and thus near Alec.

Jace convinced Valentine that they needed to be sure Alec wouldn’t betray them before they asked for intel on something as vital as the Mortal Instruments. He had assumed it would buy him more time to try and figure out how to handle this complication Alec had become for him. Jace was unsure what precisely Alec was to him. Alec was his one and only friend and he had never felt these feelings before. But he knew he wanted Alec with him, always, and he didn't want to share him. Alec's devotion to him, his dedication and focus on him, kept Jace going. Alec would often say Jace was able to light up a room and Jace quickly saw whenever Alec said room, he meant himself; the tone and look when Alec said it made it clear that Alec considered Jace the center of his world. Jace was Alec's only friend and main focus day or night. Jace was not afraid to admit he wanted Alec to orbit his world, but he was scared when he realized he _needed_ it. He thrived on Alec's affections like a flower on water. It was an extremely dangerous path he was walking as Jace well knew. His father's teachings had been clear and painful. If he weren’t careful this path would lead to caring which would lead to love which would lead to his own ruin. However, despite his best affects to push Alec away then he always came back and Jace's affections for him only grew each time it happened.

It was Valentine of all people who gave Jace the solution to his dilemma. He revealed that Jace’s pure Angel blood not only gave him added strength and power. It also meant that if he became parabatai to anyone then he would have control of the bond as the angelic bond would boost Jace's own pure-blooded powers. Before meeting Alec Jace had never thought of becoming parabatai with anyone. That level of intimacy and sharing seemed dangerous and unnecessary. Even with more control in the bond than whomever he bonded with he would still give them a part of his soul.

However, after meeting Alec Jace found he liked the idea. Having a piece of Alec’s soul sounded amazing. What better proof of loyalty could he have than that? And if he had more power in the bond than Alec due to his pure angel blood, he would be ok. He would be able to keep Alec, have Alec bound to him, and he would be safe. Alec would never be able to leave him, he would not be able to betray him without Jace knowing. Jace wouldn’t have to worry about being destroyed by the feelings he had towards Alec. It was perfect!

Jace barely considered that Alec would also have a pierce of his soul in return, focusing only on the soothing comfort of Alec's caring nature. Jace didn't consider that Alec's affections and the purity of his love would affect him in turn. 

Jace was determined to carry out his plan. He was convinced Alec would want to be his parabatai; almost everyone he had ever met wanted to be parabatai to Idris’ greatest warrior. However, with Alec his reasons seemed deeper than that; more because Alec honestly cared and not just because he admired his skills and that was just one of many reasons why Jace wanted his parabatai to be Alec.

Yet when Jace went into Alec’s room one afternoon Jace found himself getting nervous. He hadn’t been nervous for years and that had only ever been around Valentine. Jace forced himself to appear calm and give Alec a reassuring smile. Alec put the book he had been reading in bed to the side to give him an expecting look. 

“I have been thinking about parabatai…” Jace started to say as he sat down on the bed next to Alec. Jace took a deep breath before he continued, “I would like you to be mine.”

So many emotions crossed over Alec’s face; joy, shock, surprise….sadness. Why would Alec be sad about it? Alec adored him, was completely loyal to him. Then it hit him. Alec didn’t just love him. He was **in** love with him. And sex between parabatai were forbidden. Jace suddenly looked at Alec in a new light. At 15 Jace had just started to experiment sexually and so far, it had mainly been with girls. However, his charms and good looks meant he could not only have any woman he wanted but any man who swung that way too. As same-sex relationships were forbidden in Idris Jace had of course tried it, just to see what it was all about. While he had had multiple partners already, he had never cared for any of them. It had just been fun, a way to forget the world for a while and release tension.

Jace was too intelligent not to know he cared for Alec and physically he was his type of man; strong but yielding. A man who didn’t need to give up control in order to get by, but who wanted to with him. Jace had barely begun to even consider Alec in a sexual light before he stopped his thoughts at once. Anything sexual with Alec could be dangerous; lead to feelings and feelings could lead to destruction. Parabatai was a good option, a safe option; it would keep Alec close forever without the risk of being destroyed by love.

“Really?” Alec asked, giving Jace a searching look, trying to control his emotions. Alec looked uncertain as he added softly, “Why me? You can pick so many better candidates.”

And there it was; that self-deprivation that had enabled Jace to befriend Alec in a safe way; to mold him without him even realizing it into being everything Jace wanted and needed. A friend who was completely loyal to him and thus wouldn’t betray him, wouldn’t destroy him. Though looking at Alec now Jace was struck with wondering who had truly molded whom because Jace had never wanted a parabatai till now and he knew Alec had always wanted one, having longed for that closeness for years....Jace was Alec’s only focus, only desire. Yet Alec had also become Jace’s. It was a different type of need and desire. Alec’s affections were warm, kind, yielding and giving, eager to please. Jace’s affections were burning, hot, all consuming, demanding, and possessive. So different and yet similar in its intensity and single-mindedness. That was likely why they had been drawn together from the start, like two pieces of a puzzle.

“I think you will match me well,” Jace told him warmly, meaning it. They did match well. Alec was the light to his darkness.

"Truly?" Alec asked, blushing a bit while smiling widely at the words.

Jace nodded, smiling back.

“Do you want to?” Jace added a bit hesitantly, hating the weakness he felt his own uncertainty and eagerness was.

Alec was thoughtful for a while, his joy and pain at odds inside.

“Together and never parted. It is a huge commitment,” Alec told him seriously.

Jace nodded, “I know.”

No matter the control he had in the bond this also meant they would be together forever and Jace liked that idea. He liked knowing Alec was his and always his. Jace didn't stop to think that the reverse would also be true; he would then also always be Alec's. 

Alec was thoughtful for a moment until Jace was close to wanting to shake him for a damn answer already. When Alec started to smile widely, warmly, Jace knew he had won before Alec even spoke.

“Yes.”

Jace grinned back, relieved, happy, pulling Alec into a tight embrace.

“Good,” Jace said joyfully but inside all he was thinking as he held Alec close was _mine_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you are enjoying the story.


	4. Shining Brightest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being parabatai changes both Alec and Jace, binding them closer together than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers as always.  
> Chapter warnings: Mentions child abuse and self-harm, mentions powers, manipulation and killing people. Shows some guys being beaten up.

_Please read the chapter notes for chapter warnings_

# Chapter 4: Shining Brightest

The bond was everything Jace had hoped for and so much more. He felt Alec always within himself now, a calming and warm presence. With his pure Angel blood Jace could always tell if Alec were hiding something because he would try and close the bond. No matter how much Alec tried Jace could always force the bond open to Alec’s side and know his secrets. Surely, he had beaten Valentine’s warnings on love now. Surely, this meant this affection he had for Alec, dared he even think to call it love, would not destroy him.

He knew everything about Alec now. Including his love for him, his desire, longing, and passion. Alec’s desires and wishes washed over him and made it harder and harder as each day passed to remain himself why he wasn’t given into a sexual relationship. Forbidden the thought kept coming to him that since he had this security of Alec’s love, since he had ensured Alec’s love for him, and his own in return, was safe….could he entertain the thought of going all the way? It wasn’t like Alec’s desire to do so was a secret for him and after the bond Jace’s desire to give into that kept increasing. Jace’s powers boosted the bond between them, but Jace had forgotten that while his soul was in Alec now…so was Alec’s soul in him.

As Alec didn’t have pure Angel blood Alec couldn’t tell if Jace was hiding something, ensuring Jace’s affiliation to Valentine and his true feelings on the Clave and everything else remained a secret. Though as the parabatai strengthened Jace also found his concern and care for anything not relating to Alec start to diminish more and more as each day passed. Valentine had been right about the Heavenly parabatai bond boosting his powers due to his pure blood; he was almost superhuman fast, strong, agile. It was like all his skills has been enhanced with the access to the parabatai bond. He was even more admired now than before, his abilities beyond compare, making the first hints of doubt take place in Jace’s mind. Because why should someone as strong, **the** strongest and best, take orders from anyone…Clave, Circle….or Valentine?

What had meant more to Jace than he had thought was the knowledge Alec was _his_ , truly _his_. A part of Alec’s soul was inside his own. However, what Jace hadn’t thought about was that a part of Jace’s soul was now in Alec. Their loyalty to each other was enhanced, but a piece of each other were now also a part of them. Jace found himself becoming fiercely protective of Alec whereas Alec got more ruthless.

Jace first noticed this change a few weeks after their parabatai ceremony. They were training and three boys Alec’s age and come into the room. After sparring Jace had gone to the opposite end of the room to train with his throwing knives, setting up a faraway target there. Meanwhile Alec had started to set up so he could practice with his bow. Jace had kept an eye out for Alec and had seen the three boys coming up to him. He didn’t hear what they said to Alec, but he felt in the bond Alec getting upset and sad. Jace didn’t even think. He stormed over to Alec and the boys.

“Hey!” Jace yelled, making the three boys and Alec turn to look at him, their conversation forgotten.

Alec gave him a warm smile that Jace retuned by sending warmth through the bond to him, keeping his outward focus on the three boys he had now labelled enemies. Jace knew well how to handle enemies as they would soon see.

“Jace,” one of the boys acknowledged, looking a bit worried when he saw how angry Jace looked.

“Stay away from Alec,” Jace warned as he got closer to them.

“This is not about you. We respect you. We were just commenting on his lack of…” One of the boys saw fit to justify.

He never got to finish what he wanted to say. Jace hit him in the face, hard. He staggered backwards and Jace caught him by his shirt collar and hit him repeatedly in the face, breaking his nose and sending blood flying. Jace used his angelic powers and by the fifth hit the boy was unconscious.

“What are you doing?!” one of the remaining boys protested as Jace let the unconscious and bloody boy fall ungracefully to the floor.

Jace gave the two boys a dangerous look as he warned, “He got off easy. Alec is _my_ parabatai and no one hurts him.”

“We didn’t do anything!” one of boys protested.

Jace looked to Alec who shook his head and rolled his eyes in negative to that statement.

“Alec says you did,” Jace said with a dark smirk, hitting the boy had had spoken hard in the face.

Before the last boy could react, Alec hit him in the face several times in rapid succession, not stopping even as he was laying on the floor, unmoving, Alec standing over him.

“He’s unconscious,” Jace remarked darkly, giving the boy Alec was still hitting a dismissive glance, “Wait till he wakes up. He can’t feel it now.”

His words made Alec stop what he was doing, and he stepped away. He frowned a bit as he saw he had broken the boy’s nose and as a result his knuckles were bloodied. Jace wiped his own hand clean of blood on his pants and came over and put an arm around Alec’s shoulder, sending waves of assurance and certainty to him.

“Well done, Alec.”

Alec blushed and glowed, soaking up Jace’s praise like a sponge. Jace felt the echoes of Alec’s joy in the bond and found himself smiling inwardly. He realized he loved sensing Alec’s happiness and decided he would praise him more whenever he did something he liked. Seemed a logical thing to do, encouraging the actions he wanted, and that he liked doing it too, liked to feel the echoes of Alec’s joy from it…well, that only made it better.

Alec felt Jace’s feelings as his own, chasing away any doubt or hesitation. He smiled warmly at Jace, “Had it coming, right?”

“For touching my parabatai? Oh, yeah. Big time,” Jace agreed, nodding.

Jace held Alec tighter against him for a moment, the move both protective and possessive, before releasing him. Alec looked at the boy he had beaten only last time, feeling Jace’s certainty he had done well, he had done the right thing, as if it were his own. He shrugged and focused on Jace.

“Let’s go shower,” Alec said, giving the three boys who were now starting to come around one last dismissive look before he started to walk away.

Jace smiled to himself as he followed Alec. No one would touch Alec again after this. Alec was _his_ and only _his_. The faster everyone knew that the better. 

That was when Jace realized his pure angel blood let him not only share his feelings with Alec but influence him. Not completely but enough to stop his tendencies to overthink, feel guilty….hurt himself. Jace had no issues using whatever he could to see Alec safe and keep him as his. If that meant giving him a gentle mental push in the right direction, then so be it.

This had quickly turned out to be a great advantage for a spy as any hesitation or doubt on Alec’s part could be overruled by Jace sending feelings of assurance and certainty through the bond to him, overruling and drowning out Alec’s initial worries.

After some months as parabatai they had really felt the advantages of their bond during fights and hunts. As a consequence, they were now never separated on missions. Not that any of them would have allowed such a separation at this point. 

Today, during their hunt together, they had run into four Circle members, their Circle runes on their necks clearly marking them as much. Jace had always felt that was such an idiotic practice, to be showing one’s allegiance so clearly like that. He feared some of them might recognize him as Valentine’s son. Despite him not seeing Valentine more than a handful of times during secret meetings, as all other communication was through the Seelie ring, Jace knew Valentine loved to boast about his inside spy and his son’s amazing pure angel blooded powers. So, to ensure his cover was intact Jace provoked a fight. Alec came to defend him and quickly they had had four dead Circle members on their hands. Jace had no issues with that whatsoever. If they were as weak as they had proven to be, his father had no use for them anyway and besides…he found he really didn’t care much either way. They had been a threat to his relationship with Alec and as a consequence, they had had to be dealt with.

“I’m not sure we should have killed them. I mean we could have gotten intel. If we had…” Alec said reflectively after they had reported the incident to Maryse as Head of the New York Institute and was walking back there.

“Alec,” Jace said with a sigh.

He didn’t like Alec feeling guilty about stuff like this.

“Yes?” Alec asked as he looked at him, a flash of doubt in his eyes.

Jace reached out in the bond and felt Alec’s doubt there too. Jace knew that Alec hurt himself if he felt he failed or hadn’t done well enough. However, that was before they had become parabatai. Jace didn’t want Alec hurting. No one hurt Alec; not even himself!

Jace used the bond to send out waves of calm and acceptance, to share his own resolved feelings on the matter.

“Stop feeling guilty. They had it coming,” Jace said with certainty, sending the same assurance in the bond to Alec.

Alec was thoughtful for a moment, feeling Jace’s certainty and how it now became his, drowning out his own feelings till Jace’s feelings had fully become his too.

Alec shrugged, now not seeing why he had ever doubted their actions.

“They had it coming,” Alec said with a resolved nod.

“Had to be done,” Jace confirmed, sending the same feelings of assurance and strength to Alec again.

All of Alec’s insecurities and doubts vanished and he nodded.

“Couldn’t be helped,” Alec agreed, sounding satisfied and resolved on the matter now.

Jace smiled to himself, happy to feel in the bond that Alec was calm again.

“Alec?” Jace asked a few moments later, a bit softer now.

“Yes?” Alec asked puzzled.

“You did good,” Jace complimented.

“You think so?” Alec asked hesitantly, eagerly.

“I know so,” Jace said confidently.

Alec seemed to glow as he said a bit shyly, “Thank you.”

The love and joy Jace could sense from Alec in the bond was overwhelming and made him feel like a warm blanket was covering his soul. He had felt this from Alec more and more, how much he loved him, how much he cared. Each time he felt this from Alec Jace’s decision that they couldn’t be together physically started to dissolve. If Alec felt this level of love and affection now, surely it would only increase if they were truly one. Why deny himself that? He loved feeling this love and care from Alec in the bond; it was the best feeling he had ever known. With the bond he had ensured love couldn’t destroy. He had found a way to beat Valentine’s mantra. So why deny himself Alec when he knew Alec wanted him more than Alec seemed to want anything else in this world? Being parabatai with him had only made that clearer. Alec tried to hide it of course Jace could easily feel his desire and passion in the bond. It was like a constant shimmer of light, always there in the background of his love. As time passed touching that light, having it, became more and more tempting to Jace. 

So, why should he deny himself anything? He was the best and the strongest; Valentine himself had taught him that the strong **took** what they wanted and Jace now knew he wanted Alec as his completely and fully. There had to be a safe way to get him.

Jace decided he was going to investigate this whole parabatai sex thing further. A curse? Hmm. Sounded unlikely. The Shadow World had no other curses so why this one? Seemed more likely to be political, a trick, a way to control people. He was going to get to the bottom of this because one thing was clear; he wanted Alec to belong to him, completely, and therefore Alec would be **his**!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you are enjoying the story.


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